Hi, I have anxiety. Looking back, I always did. I can distinctly remember being maybe six years old and being unable to function while having a PBJ picnic on my grandparents cottage dock because to me, the entire spread ending up in Keuka lake was not just a possibility, it was a certainty. Being nervous about scenarios that may or may not even happen. Being unable to take my mind off a particular topic. Maybe it’s in my DNA. I can already see glimpses of it in my son. I did a relatively decent job dealing with (read: hiding) it until I became a mama. 

Did you feel an overwhelming sense of love and joy the minute the midwife handed you your baby? Not me. The instant my son cried upon taking his first breath earthside, I was hit like a ton of bricks by an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. In my mind, the world was suddenly a dangerous place for this little guy. Heck, I wasn’t convinced I wasn’t a dangerous place for him. Something must be wrong with me, I thought, as I felt myself grow angry with my newborn’s cries rather than feel the maternal urge to soothe him. 

Ultimately, the motherhood that thrust my anxiety into overdrive was the reason I realized I couldn’t live with it by myself anymore. It probably would have been a smart idea to get help years ago. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be in life right now if I had. But my path is my path. I started going to therapy. Even though we’re a medical household and both my husband and I work in traditional healthcare settings, I’m not really into taking meds. So therapy it was. I fought it as long as I could and then I found an incredible therapist. We worked together for about a year and then together we decided I needed more than just counseling (well, she decided then…it took me another six months…textbook Scorpio here, I’m about as stubborn as they come). 

 Towering over my anxiety requires effort and energy on a daily basis. It’s a work in progress and I’m the furthest thing from a success. But each win each day is step in the right direction. I’m feeling better and more in control every day. 

I don’t want any mamas to let their anxiety steal their motherhood. You’re an amazing mama. Your children need you, they crave you. You are enough. You are worthy. You don’t have to do this alone. You’re not weak or damaged or a bad mother if you seek help. In fact, you’re the opposite. Find a counselor, talk to your doctor about dietary changes, supplements or an anxiety medication to help get control over your anxiety. You’re recognizing that you don’t need to feel this way, that you deserve better than this. So put your mask on first. And if you feel like you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kiddos. Let’s break the cycle of anxiety by showing your children you can do what you need to do to take control of your life. Join a moms group (MOPs is a great moms group with chapters nationwide). Find your tribe. Make time to connect with other women. It takes a village…not to raise a child, but to raise a mother.

You are the mother that your baby needs and you can do this. I’m here for you, so many of us moms who have gone before you are here for you. Reach out a hand and I promise we will pull you right in.

If you know a mama who needs to hear these words, will you do me a favor and share this post with them? It means so much to help each other stand firm in our health and our motherhood.